Monday, July 6, 2009

The Grossest Thing to Date

God knew what he was doing when he made them this cute...he knew what we'd have to endure. lol

Obviously by the title, you have been warned about the topic. Read on at your own risk of being grossed out. I actually have two stories to cover. I'll start by the most recent, most gross event. Nick went to pick up some patio furniture we found on clearance at Target. Exciting stuff....we were gonna spend the evening putting it together and relaxing. I fed the babies while Nick went to pick it up. After I fed them I wanted to get dinner ready, so we could eat and get to the furniture. So in the time it took me to take the thawed hamburg out of the fridge and make 3 patties...the grossest thing to date happened. As I was finishing up the patties, it got quiet. NEVER a good thing. Silence and extra excited giggles are always trouble. I glance over and they are behind the couch which usually means they are trying to slide the door open to the dining room. I sneak up on them to find........the grossest thing to date. Luke had pooped all up his back. (I'm thinking thanks to the larger than normal amount of fourth of July watermelon and cantaloupe) Imagine the scene....his shirt is pulled up.....stuck to his back caked with's all over his back.....all over his arms and hands. Taylor....poop all over her hands, arms and the grossest thing to date.......poop around her mouth! They both started screaming, crying. They were obviously playing in it. Luke couldn't have gotten it all over like that on his own. I grabbed a towel out of the laundry basket, laid it down on the floor for Luke, held him there as he's kicking and screaming......while I wipe Taylor's hands, arms and MOUTH (gagging) off with wipes so she doesn't spread the JOY any more. I clean up Luke will a million and one wipes. It's much fun to remove a shirt covered in poop. It's an art really. I've gotten rather talented at it. 1. Put a towel down. 2. Stuff a wipe or more down the butt crack to prevent any more goodness from squeezing up through. 3. Roll the shirt up by tucking it under toward the back. 4. Wipe the back off with a million wipes. 5. Pull the shirt carefully from the front to the back to prevent poop from getting in the hair. 6. Wipe off the rest of the body with a million more wipes. 7. Change diaper as usual just with more wipes. :) And this included extra special steps the poop from under the fingernails, followed by all out baths. Meanwhile.....Taylor pooped. lol Why not right? So I cleaned her up more and looked up........BOTH our couches had poop on them. Ya with walkers........they get around. Luke always crawls to the couch put his back against it and then walks out from it. Lucky for me he did that on both couches in a matter of a 3 patty making minute. I then called Nick..he was a minute away anyhow and told him I needed his help with baths. I took the covers off the couch and started the several loads of poop laundry, and made burgers on the grill while Nick bathed STINKER 1 and STINKER 2. Did I cry? No.....I was too focused on what I had to do...I was seriously grateful that Nick gave them baths so I could get some fresh air......did I gag.......YUP......when I saw Taylor's mouth I did. Did I laugh.......not yet. It's not funny quite yet. Luckily my 1997 couches from IKEA have slip covers and you can wash them. I just got my couches put back together, so I might laugh about it soon. I'm kinda still too grossed out to laugh. I mean....Taylor will LOVE me for that story when she gets older. So much for the naked baby pics.......tasting your brother's poop tops that for embarrassment. Top the stink bug for grossest things tasted by Taylor as well.

Yes I took pictures before I took the couches apart. lol

The second poop story. I'm so inspired by this topic that I thought........why not? We were at the beach and we were about to head back to the beach house and we thought we'd let the babies dip in the water one last time. So we took them in the ocean and I noticed it. Luke had a white swim shirt on and I daw poop all up the back. Did anyone else see that? lol I showed Nick, got him out of the water and headed back to the car. Nick was making trips to carry Taylor and the rest of the stuff back as I changed Luke off the back of the Explorer with the hatch open. First thought......towel down.......then LOTS of wipes.....rolled the shirt up and off....wiped what I could what. WHY..........please tell me WHY the swimmers diapers don't have tabs??? How in the heck are you supposed to get a pooped diaper off with out speading manure? I wished so bad I had scissors.....cause I woulda cut the dumb things off him. So as they are wet as all get out I'm trying to pull them off him. This is hard to describe and maybe I shouldn't but there's a seriously amount of suction when you try to pull wet pooped swimmers off. I had to basically pull them off inside out which is NOT what I wanted to do but it was the only way I could get them off. Poop got on everything. Of course he put his hands in was all down his legs.....a wad fell out of the diaper as the suction released and it fell on the bumper, on the thigh and ultimately on the ground. Nice.....a lump a poop on the parking lot. I started realizing I was running out of wipes and I had a whole lot of poop left. The bumper wasn't as important as Luke so I got Luke the best I could with the remaining wipes....passers by where looking and talking......I heard them. lol So as I have the chunky monkey naked baby standing off the back of the hatch........he starts peeing.....nice little arch I might add. lol Then I laughed. That was a funny sight and we were parked right by the beach with lots of passers by. I got a new diaper on him and wiped what I could off the bumper with a towel and picked up the lump of poop off the parking lot and disposed of it. I strapped Luke in his car seat with just a diaper on and waited for Nick to return so I could shower the poop off me the best I could before getting into the car. Nick missed both these exciting events but luckly for me...he got there for the clean up baths.

Oh and I thought when they were little the simaltanious poops were fun. lol I always thought it was funny how they would always poop at the same time. Never did I know how much of the poop they would actually "SHARE". The grossest thing to date....thank you for these memories LT! :)